Ode to Surrender

Tomorrow (likely your today) I launch my app at KM Yoga, a gorgeous yoga studio in Sydney.

Everything is ready and waiting except 

small and significant detail, Apple has not released the app,

so it’s not in the app store yet. 

It was submitted for the first time 

more than 3 weeks ago now. 

I was assured 5 days, a week at most

but now more than 3 times longer than anticipated

we are still in what I have come to learn 

is the bowels of the review process. 

Nothing to do with the app 

all to do with the anomalies of online existence, which I won’t bore you with.

It has been returned to my developer 

3 times and resubmitted each time.

I write this not because of the frustration, that once again,

I stand in front of people to talk about what

I believe is a great resource for them 

to start using for their practice right now

but (for all intent and purposes) still doesn’t exist.

I write because I acknowledge this is outside my control.

and as much as I feel the awkwardness 

of having declared to the world

it would be available May 19 

Its still not here. And now it’s June 1st. (It does exist I promise:-)

And truly I have no idea. It could go live any minute but I have no idea or any control over when

I write because I have surrendered to what is.

I have not ‘lost it’, 

blamed anyone 

or made it anyone’s fault. There’s been no drama, No jumping up and down.

I have done what I could do,

to make it happen. 

It hasn’t and I accept that.

Oh how one changes! I was not like this ten years ago.

I would have been on the phone 

to anyone, anywhere who could wield some influence. 

I would have stayed up late, got up early 

pushed and pushed until it happened in my time frame.

Now, 

It’s not that I don’t care, that hasn’t changed,

I do.

I also know that jumping up and down won’t change a thing and only make life uncomfortable for everyone involved.

Surrender, was a foreign concept to me.

I could make things happen.

I could persuade people.

seduce, charm.

I could jump through hoops 

or arrange hoops for others to jump through.

I’m an Aries ruled by Mars,

the God of War,

the only thing I saw

in the word surrender was SURE END.

I was never, ever about to let that happen!

Believe me, my path towards zen hasn’t been without resistance.

Its been a road replete with swallowed gravel, scratched and bloody knees, elbows, entire body

tear swollen eyes, bumps, and bumps on those bumps

and more than one or two worthwhile tantrums.

Along the way I signed up for a year long course in a metaphysical University called a Mystery school

I thought cute name but why do they call it that?

I was about 4 months in before 

it hit like a thunderbolt, it’s a mystery

because we have NO F . . .ing idea what’s next. Big laugh, once again at myself

I had unwittingly enrolled in an apprenticeship to surrender to the mystery of life.

The woman who led the school 

once commented that in any moment 

we can be surrendering to something 

and I have come to learn how right she is.

To the traffic,

to the weather,

to the consequences we didn’t foresee, and certainly don’t like

to the cycles of life, to our circumstances

to those beyond our control

to someone’s reaction to something we said or did

to the knowledge that our partners, friends, families

are not some outlying region of our kingdoms

as David Whyte so eloquently describes it. 

We can’t change what is.

We can choose who and how we are in it.

It is only when we become present, 

when we feel into it

that we can hope to move with it 

to respond to it, not to react 

and surrender to where it might take us.

We always have free will. We can choose to resist or surrender.

For the app launch 

I’ve printed some bookmarks –

not to prove that it does exist:-)

but to remind those who want it, that it will,

and maybe remind them to download it later.

And ever the seducer I’ve made extra bliss balls too 🙂

And so now it’s your turn

What are you resisting right now

in your work, your relationships, your study,

your body, your mind, your circumstances.

What are you making harder than it really needs to be?

There’s always something:-) and the not so good news,

there’s likely something in each area 🙂

Choose one thing.

Feel into it.

Why are you resisting?

Is it ego, fear, hurt, anger, story?

Get underneath it, there’s always a payoff?

Do you get to be right, better, victim?

What would happen if you surrendered to it?

Can you begin to see it from a different perspective?

What would happen if you accepted it as it is?

What would happen if you responded differently?

Remember that which we resist persists.

Oh dear, how I’ve learned that the ‘hard’ way.

As I say learn from my mistakes I’ve made plenty:-)

And now I will surrender myself to sleep.

Have a gorgeous day. 

x

eilish

It’s forecasted to rain here so I’m going to read my new book gifted by my lovely Swedish friend Âsa

The 100 year old man who climbed out the window and disappeared.

by Jonas Jonasson Thus far hilarious and dark. Dark you’d expect from a Swedish novel but also truly laugh out loud, hilarious!!! 

What will you do with your day. You could go see the Spaceship exhibition if you’re in Sydney that is:-) Whatever you do, enjoy!

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